Actually, I'm not going to Kansas City, but my husband and daughter are. John's cousin is getting married, he's reading and she is a flower girl, which is why we're not headed to Texas for my cousin's wedding instead. :-)
Can I share something irksome? My brother is getting married in July. I'm so excited that he found an awesome girl with a lot going for her, who puts up with his crushing insecurities and overcompensating ego, because in spite of his vacuous faults, he is a tremendous human being who is concerned with nothing more than trying to do the right thing for those around him.
But, like with most weddings, toes get stepped on and feelings get hurt because some freakish pecking order manifests entirely out of necessity, but also entirely by accident. He was telling me all about the lineup for his groomsmen, where his favorite nephew will find a role (it's no secret that he's totally in love with that particular nephew, and it's actually really sweet), and where one of my nieces will fill the role of flower girl. I jokingly said, "Oh, my daughter's not good enough, huh?"
"Oh... I totally forgot about her..." He was serious.
Ouch.
Admittedly, this is far more my problem than his. We're across the country from all of our other family. Homesickness springs up when it's least convenient and I project this funky anger toward my parents and siblings, like it is somehow their fault that I made the choice to support my husband in any and all things, including his finding a job in America's armpit. The job, the people we've met, the way we've adapted and blossomed where we've been planted, have all been more than worth it, but little things like this pop up and it hurts to think that, because we aren't all buzzing around the same hive, we have somehow lost track of one another. It's still an adjustment, because more than half of my life has been all about those same eight people. I've only had a life all about my husband and kids for 10-11 years. Things like the births of new nieces and nephews, the deaths of friends and family, major health crises, weddings, and daily goings-on make it hard to be so far from them.
I'm more than well aware that he didn't mean to be hurtful. He's in Hawaii, thanks to the Army, and is in the same boat as far as feeling a little left-fielded regarding family matters, only he's without a family of his own to otherwise consume his time and attention. Until he gets married, he's literally rat racing his way through his days. If it were a contest, he wins the homesickness award. It's not even debatable. But, like I said, these little things get the homesickness "wounds" reopened and I have to sort through all of the stuff that has led me here.
What makes it worse is that I probably won't be able to get to his wedding and refill my heart on extended family time, especially welcoming someone as awesome as his intended, because I will be mere weeks postpartum with Kid #5.
The up side to all of this is that the time I do get to spend with both my family and my husband's family is drama-free (mostly, ha ha), exceptionally wonderful, filled with hugs and laughter, and makes the homesickness all but disappear.
The last thing my grandfather said to me in person before he died was that getting away from our families was going to be the best thing we could do for our new little family. He said that after he got married to my grandmother, they hopped in a car, waved goodbye to their families, and never regretted being everywhere else. I thought he was joking, but time proved that he was right. This time away has strengthened my marriage because John and I have to rely on one another to make our days function. I've grown so much in my role as wife and mother because I had to, but I have also been able to really find the joy and happiness in the necessity.
I'm not even sure where this rant is going anymore, and little fingers are tapping me on the back, reminding me that we have a day full of errands that need to happen on order to get ready for the weekend ahead. Apart from John and the girl traveling to KC, the boys have their Pinewood Derby this weekend, which means I have to unearth the carving tools, ready the First Aid kit, try to decide what baked good I will offer to the bake sale ladies, do laundry, get the travelers prepped and packed, and try to make it all happen without losing my mind. :-)
I want my mommy!
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