I love him to pieces an all of his hilariously awkward, frustratingly headstrong, loud and obnoxiously defiant ways. Where I assert authority and, admittedly, control, he fires back with emotional pleas and adamant conditions to his compliance.
It's like parenting a mini-me.
Once in a while, he does something that shakes down everything I have struggled to establish with him involving the parent-child relationship. Stupidly and sadly, it is a lesson that I often forget in my totalitarian approach to running a household and educating my children, even in the more casual unschooling environment I seek to perfect.
He must be self-motivated. He must be given the freedom to fulfill that motivation. He must do it without me hovering nearby and making corrections, no matter how slight. If he wants help, he will ask for it. If he needs clarification, he knows who to ask.
He does beautifully without me.
This is a major lesson in humility for me. With an autistic son who is not comfortable without an adult presence, a daughter who begs for attention with nearly every task, and a diabolical genius toddler who needs supervision just to keep the house from burning down, you'd think I'd welcome a kid who is independently learning and self-sufficient. But no, I seem to slide back into this habit of constant instruction and frequent rigidity.
This morning, as I scoured the internet for games and activities to bring him up to speed on his math skills, he pulled out a workbook geared for his age group, sat himself on the floor behind our couch, and began hammering away at double-digit addition and subtraction facts. I had NO idea until he asked me to clarify an answer he was unsure about. He had it right. I left the computer and peered behind the couch to see that he was already two pages into it and doing a beautiful job. Not a single problem was wrong.
Not only was he doing the work himself, but he was very proud of it, more so than he has ever been when asked to do things like that. What a joy! Why do I keep forgetting that these bursts of his more than make up for the days he seems totally unmotivated? Why do I not grasp that he CAN and WILL do what he needs to do without me harping on him? Why on earth do I want to consistently rob him of the opportunity and ability to accomplish everything he can on his own terms? Why do I resist making life easier for both of us with a more hands-off approach?
Who REALLY needs the education here?
He's asking if he can make dinner this evening. I told him he could. It sounds like we're having meatballs on spaghetti squash. I love this kid!
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